In the practice of yoga we actively engage with tension…in fact, creating it and being comfortable in it, gives us stability, confidence, and a means to finesse our postures. Our movement is a metaphor for our resiliency. Whether we’re in downward dog, tree, an arm balance, or an inversion we need certain points of traction in order to successfully hold these poses with grace. 

Of course we didn’t start this way. This was a skill we developed in the infancy of our practice from the guidance of our teachers and through our own trial and error. Too much tension throws our balance off, or it tires our muscles out too quickly, causing us to fall out of the pose. Not enough and we can’t achieve the lift and extension that’s needed to get into its fullest expression. 

And this knowledge serves as a form of a coping mechanism for how we flow through the ease and difficulties of our asana on the mat… 

What about off the mat? What kind of coping skills do we, or don’t we have, when it comes to dealing with the circulation of feelings and emotions that we encounter? 

Especially for those of us who grew up when the term “mental health” was stigmatized to addiction or those afflicted with severe psychotic disorders, the general consensus to handle almost anything that was upsetting was to “soldier through” or “gut it out.” 

Our ways of coping, or lack there of, are not necessarily our fault. In fact, our parents could’ve accidentally handed us a huge amount of homework for our adult life.

We may have inherited maladaptive behaviors, such as consuming food or alcohol to settle down when we’re stressed out. And while this does have a calming effect, instead of engaging with the tension, we’re avoiding it because its overwhelming and we literally don’t know how to handle it. 

And the problem is, as adults, we’re already in the thick of fending for ourselves. Particularly when life has upended us and we’re scraping by in survival mode. Trying a new relaxation tactic can cause even more anxiety, as we can be worried if it will actually work. 

So if you tend to give yourself a hard time about not knowing how to cope better, STOP! It is not your fault. Healthy mechanisms are actually very advanced skills to master.

We want to be able to flow with life with some sort of ease. Our fullest expression, off the mat, is when our resiliency is a strong armor that enables us to shine with decorum and poise as the asana of our life unfolds. 

Just like our practice on the mat, figuring out how to self-soothe is unique to each individual and it takes time to develop as we have to create new neural connections. All we can do is just keep showing up to practice… 

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